Eurovision Song Contest: A 9-Point Explainer

Every year, The Eurovision Song Contest excites the Europeans, or at least a good part of them. Every year, people outside of Europe, such as Americans, loudly express their befuddlement and confusion. Every year, some Europeans (or American clickbait media) try and mostly fail to explain what the ESC is.

Commonly, the ESC is just called "Eurovision." Eurovision is the name of the broadcasting network used by the European Broadcasting Union (EBU). It is not really a channel but more a means European countries use to switch programming with each other. However, for most people, "Eurovision" and "Eurovision Song Contest" are the same. I will still call it the Eurovision Song Contest, or ESC.

The basics of the contest are simple. All countries within the broadcasting area of EBU, which is quite a bit more extensive than Europe and covers the Mediterranean area, for example, are allowed to participate. This explains why Israel has been a participant for a long time. Technically, all other Middle Eastern countries could also participate but choose not to, partly because they cannot censor Israel's entry from their broadcasting.

Australia also participates, because why not? Russia, on the other hand, was excluded in 2022. Other potential European countries occasionally refuse to join, chiefly because of the chance of being saddled with organizing costs after a win.

In 2023, 37 countries sent artists or bands to perform one song with assorted light shows and/or pyrotechnics. Apart from the Big Five – France, Germany, Italy, Spain, and the UK, which automatically participate – and the last year's winning country, i.e., the host country, most of the other nations will have to first pass a semifinal, organized on the Tuesday and Thursday of the ESC week, to participate on the Grand Final, which is on Saturday. The results of the semifinals and the Grand Final are decided by a combination of televoting and juries, using a complicated scoring mechanism partly explained below.

ESC has gone on for 67 years now, starting from a contest for a few West European Nations and suddenly exploding in size when the Wall fell, Yugoslavia and the Soviet Union crumbled to pieces, and suddenly, tens of Eastern European nations poured in. This Eastern explosion entirely set the stage for Eurovision's evolution, as these nations brought in many interesting political interrelations and a new sense of showmanship and extravaganza, quickly embraced by the Eurovision community.

However, it is difficult to explain what Eurovision lies in because it is simultaneously so many things. I list 9 points here, but there are probably quite a few more – feel free to mention the ones I have forgotten!

THE EUROVISION SONG CONTEST IS A TRADITION

The Eurovision Song Contest has gone on for 67 years. I remember watching the contest with my parents, and there were plenty of adults whose parents watched it with *their* parents. There is about as much lore as in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. You do not have to know all of it to enjoy it, but knowing at least some will help you understand *some things*, like why Malta's entry this year included certain sax moves.

The ESC has evolved a lot from those earlier times, but this evolution has happened organically, bit by bit, and often with the EBU resisting quite a bit; the contest could hardly be the baroque, ornate monstrosity it is now without this process. And still, many ESC entries continue to be quite traditional. You could have presented a song like this 67 years ago without anyone wondering too much what the heck it is, apart perhaps from the computerized modern stage graphics.

THE EUROVISION SONG CONTEST IS A SPECTACLE

Eurovision is, indeed, extravagant. Weird stuff happens constantly; glitter is everywhere, butter gets churned, there are metal monsters and whatever one might imagine. This year's Croatian entry was far from being the weirdest one we have seen through the years. Sometimes a country just plain sends a piss-take satirical entry, annoying the Eurovision purists (listen to the boos!). However, it's all just a part of the show.

Everything has become increasingly grandiose as the years have passed, and voting happens at least as much by the show as by the song. And there is nothing wrong with it! Extravaganza is a part of Eurovision—it is entertainment with the capital E.

THE EUROVISION SONG CONTEST IS (frequently) MEDIOCRE

It is true! Eurovision songs do not represent the best that European popular music offers. Participating countries' most popular and innovative groups have little to gain from participating in ESC. And they can have plenty to lose. They can forever be remembered as the band that went from the biggest of their tiny nation to one that made itself a target of ridicule for an entire continent (and a few countries besides). Even winning the whole contest can put a band in this position.

Nevertheless, Eurovision entries do not represent the *worst* a country has to offer, either, apart from a few times when it seems like the countries have put up intentionally bad entries to not participate. The national contests to pick up Eurovision events, like UMK in Finland ("Uuden musiikin kilpailu," unimaginatively Finnish for "Contest for new music"), often do contain many good acts that become huge in Finland. For many bands, the sweet spot is doing well but not well enough to go to the contest.

THE EUROVISION SONG CONTEST IS GAY

There are Eurovision fans from all parts and communities of Europe. However, Eurovision has a unique appeal to gay people and other members of the LGBTQ community. You can read about it here, but following hashtags on any social media channel during the contest will also clarify it.

The gay people have embraced the ESC, and the ESC embraces them; it is a guaranteed crowd-pleaser when some performer waves a rainbow flag on stage, for instance. Notable LGBTQ Eurovision events were transgender singer Dana International's victory in 1998 and drag queen Conchita Wurst's win in 2014. (Notably, both won with very traditional Eurovision-style pop/ballad songs.)

This has resulted in some controversies, particularly with Russia, which became a particular target of booing already before any special operations started happening in Ukraine (including the Crimean occupation) due to their anti-gay laws in 2014. However, this aspect of the contest is taken in a stride by straight, even conservative fans, too – particularly in countries like Finland, where even many conservatives do not generally really pay that much attention to the whole gay thing. And there are plenty of straight conservative men who appreciate camp. I have a feeling a certain American ex-president would be the most significant American Eurovision fan there if ESC were somehow a thing in America.

THE EUROVISION SONG CONTEST IS WAR

Everyone claims to not take Eurovision seriously until it is points scoring time and the neighboring country only gave your entry 10 points when it should have received 12 from them, as is tradition. Eurovision is politics, and politics is war through other means, or something like it.

Politics were, at least supposedly, at a lower level before the Eastern European explosion. Sure, Greece and Cyprus would always give each other 12 points, Turkish immigrants in various West European countries vote Turkey, Nordics vote each other, so on. However, after the Eastern European nations joined the show the voting patterns became extremely convoluted, with this image attempting to illustrate it all.

Eurovision scoring is also affected by external events, and countries going to *actual* war does not tend to affect their scoring positively. Russia noticed this already in 2014, but Israel has also been affected every time they are conducting a particularly notable operation against Palestinians or neighboring countries, which happened often. Israel can also use the Eurovision for their political purposes, of course, such as with the winner Netta in 2018.

THE EUROVISION SONG CONTEST IS UNITY

Every time there is something with the word “European” included in it, it is about European unity. The European Broadcasting Union was just one of the institutions established after WW2 for the explicit purpose of fostering European unity, i.e., to make sure that inter-European wars would not happen again. Of course, Ukraine and Russia both participated in the Eurovision for a long time…

…and still, it is undeniable that having all Europe watch the same shows and make the same jokes about Eurovision cliches and neighbor voting year after year does something to foster “European-ness.” Indeed, the confused and dismissive comments from non-Europeans, chiefly Americans (it is their social media after all) just enhances the effect. It is a thing of our own.

THE EUROVISION SONG CONTEST IS A SPORT

ESC is a sport for people who do not like sports. Also, for people who like sports, do not get me wrong here; nothing stops people from appreciating both Eurovision and hockey, for instance! Currently the IIHF Ice Hockey World Championship is going on (in my hometown, it is hard to not notice even if one tries) and there are many who watched the Finland-Germany game and then rushed to get snacks and everything for their Eurovision party late at night. And make bets, and cheer for the team.

Eurovision parties are indeed a thing; Eurovision is a social event. Not necessarily always – this year I watched at home, some previous years I have been at a watching party. It is fun to backtalk about crap entries and bash the refs (juries) for favoring the opponent, just like countless Finns (and Finland supporters) did this year. Or, if you do not have a party with your friends, do the same on social media.

THE EUROVISION SONG CONTEST IS COMPLICATED

…or, rather, the scoring system is. All countries score all the participants, but these days, it is done twice; there are special juries (five jury members from each country) who first choose their ranking, giving the best acts 12, 10 or 8–1 points), and then popular vote (using text messages) doing the same.

The idea is probably that juries, being experts, would be able to pick “true” winners without the rollicking public opinion being swayed by meme status. However, every year there are complaints that the juries are useless, and their main function is ensuring that the winning act will be small-c conservative (i.e., not politically conservative, in line with the Eurovision traditions!) and, frankly, boring.

Yes, being Finnish, I am patriotically salty, like everyone else here, about the juries robbing Finland’s ESC 2023 act Käärijä, featuring in the article image, the well-deserved victory after getting more popular votes than any other contestant but then losing to juries that did not want a “weird” entry to get the win. The winner, Sweden’s Loreen, was musically as safe as safe can get - not the least because she has won once before.

And, of course, it is handy for the ESC apparatus to organize next year’s contest in Sweden – it is the 50^th anniversary of ABBA’s famous Eurovision victory, after all… Or at least that is how some of the theories go, to which I naturally would not dream of saying openly I subscribe to. In this blog. In English.

THE EUROVISION SONG CONTEST IS AN EUROPEAN SONG CONTEST

At the end of it all behind all the politics, showmanship and weirdness, Eurovision is a song contest. The weird and glitzy entries get the attention in GIFs and posts, but most of the songs are normal boring pop songs and ballads. Winners tend to be such, too, as we saw this year (yes, this is the last reference to Finland’s loss in this text, thank you).

Eurovision might be byzantine and extravagant, the lore might be overwhelming, the politics strange and weird, the songs not always all that good… but if one is genuinely interested in it, just taking it as a song contest is a good starting point. It is not the whole truth, nothing is. The full truth about Eurovision is really ever elusive. Like with all mystery, it cannot be explained – just experienced.

Image: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/f/ff/Eurovision_2022_-_Semi-final_2_-_Stage_and_green_room_%2801%29.jpg. Taken by Michael Doherty, CC BY-SA 4.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0>, via Wikimedia Commons